Where the heart of man dies, where evil will always thrive.

U r quite right. We were nvr suitable. It was a bad mistake, and therefore we have wasted all of our time. We are really very different people. I couldn’t get yr “dfferent directions in life” part though. 

Becoz mine, is wanted to be happy wif u, always, every single day.

If there’s anything I learnt by being with u for that few weeks. Its that we really are very different. Character wise. I guess as much as I hate to admit it, maybe we need to find people more like ourselves to be happy.

you know, I am actually a very easy gg person. I respect other people’s privacy. Everyone has some skeletons in their closet they are not willing to talk abt and its perfectly fine. I dun have to know. What matters is the presence and future and the value, the happiness, the joy, that we can all give to each others lives; past to me is exactly what it is, past. I am willing to not know, not be told, even overlook. And this really applies to everyone around me. Gf. Friends. Or what.

I dun think badly of other people, anyone at all. Everyone has goodness in them, and I don’t judge.

I am willing to help my friends in any way I can, if I can. Even though on most times I am really quite lazy but I really will gauge the importance of it vs the effort it requires of me.

Stuff at home. Everyone’s family situation is different. End of the day, family is family. If the situation dictates that I should do something and something, as much as I maybe abit unwilling, the obligation is still there. I gotta do what I gotta do…

If I can’t get something, too bad, I try to accommodate. I dun make life difficult for people, even if it annoys me abit. Stuff like not getting a table of my choice. I sit elsewhere. If I cant get sauces I like, then I’ll just take whatever is given to me. I rather dampen my own exp abit rather than be a killbuzz for someone else’s day. I am considerate this way.

For me, for every situation I am presented upon, I really look at the big picture, the dynamics of it, how it works when everything is set together, and I consider different standpoints from different angles. Then I determine if something is good or bad, or any part is worth re-thinking. Maybe people don’t understand, or see my analytic point-of-view(s), but, it is what it is, if someone does not accept , or at least try to listen and understand… there’s really not much I can do.

For the longest time, there are things that I have tried not to say to you, based on the realization that you are actually a very hot tempered and defensive person. Neither do i want to hurt you, and i have tried to put them across to you in the most gentle of ways, in the hope that you will catch on. Not that I have not tried, but you have always blown up at me when I share my thoughts with u or try to tell u something. And overtime, i realized that perhaps, one way I can do to help to have harmony wif u, to avoid getting into fights with u, is just let you have your way, no matter how unreasonable it is.

Maybe if I have been more firm wif u, today things could have been different. It is for the same set of reasons that I kept everything bottled inside me. And the more I bottled, the more I found it hard to breathe, the more I found it difficult.

Actually I have been suffering for a long time. As you say, we are very different people. I guess I really have to admit it now; that, by some of the values that you live for, I had tremendous difficulty in coping in our everyday life.

I am sorry to think that you feel I always been “attacking” you. And that it always bounce back to myself. You are right though. But the very reason it bounce back to me, is your refusal to understand and listen. It falls onto deaf ears. Which is quite sad.

You are a person who will not listen. You think you are right, and people, should bend to your will. 

I can honestly say that I love u, and treasure our relationship. I was single for a long long time. 6 yrs. until I met you. And I loved u, wif every bit of my soul. Wif everything I had.

If I don’t write this out, I really won’t feel good. There something very wrong at work here and I cannot just leave it like that. Its just wrong. I just feel that, if I don’t tell you this, nobody else will.

And I am not lashing at you in anyway, just that these are my honest thoughts on how you treated me, and how I felt abt it.

My conclusion is that basically, you are selfish, self-entitled, you don’t think about anyone else but yourself. You don’t think about others, you don’t respect others’ feelings nor their privacy, and its your way or the highway. You are totally inconsiderate of others’ feelings, and I would say that all these is magnified for your loved ones. I am basing my statements on how I feel you treat me. If this is not true, then the conclusion is that, maybe your view of love is different from mine, or you never loved me at all.

You wanted honesty in our relationship and I told u everything. But time and time again u have always taken the opportunity to dig it up and give me a very difficult time. Maybe u dun realize this, but you have been giving me a very tough time. And by doing this, you have also proven to me why things cannot tell u. Its happened so many times until I am so sick of it. And everytime it happens. I get very triggered. So all these, is u create one, not me, my angst, is a mere reaction your actions. So dun keep putting it on me. I told u before, its very easy to find someone to blame, other than yourself. 

This is totally opposite from me. I don’t know everything abt u, and u dun wanna tell me. And when u do share that tiny bit wif me. I just stop there.

Becoz I respect u and I know u dun wanna say more. But u dig out everything from me and use it on me from time to time. Until I get very jumpy. For me, it really is very miserable. Please, don’t be like that anymore. Every 2-3 days, we have to quarrel. Did I start it? No, sorry to say this, but u did.

When people tell you stuff and share with you their thoughts. Esp when it comes to religion, please, just consider what people are saying. Nobody is forcing u to stop doing anything u like. But please, just consider what others are telling you. You can don’t follow, but I think its courtesy to not shut people off. Its manners. And also respect other people’s thoughts. Even if u think they don’t understand u. Because ultimately, maybe its u who dun understand. All of us have different values. And we shouldn’t force our own upon anyone else’s.

Respect people, esp your loved ones, okay? There are things and 怪癖 that everyone have, there are things that people HAVE to do and cannot change. Don’t force them. I have nvr forced u to do anything u dun like. Love isn’t lie this. This is why I feel, u never really loved me. But u have forced me to all sort of things I don’t want to do. And can't do.

And your inability to understand the gravity of situations… sigh. I did try to tell u. But yr lack of understand means u nvr listen. And because u always blow up at me. Make me dun wanna try to say anymore. And I am suffering inside. I am just bottling it up.

Love, is all about, acceptance. abt being ok with each other, no matter who they are, sometimes u need to keep them in line becoz they go abit overboard.

Abusing your partner, is just unacceptable. I can tell u wif 101% certainty everytime we quarrel is u stir one. u can say that its yr "reaction" to things i do.

Seriously, fuck off man. i do? How one responds to wadever kind of situations is a demonstration of their character. How u fire off at me.... please lor. If u ask me, its me who always 忍忍忍忍忍 until 忍无可忍, and this, is enuff to demonstrate how my character differs from yrs.

Please stop all that nonsense about people got 邪气 and all that. If u dun like something, its okay. Nobody is forcing u to like anything. Don’t talk bad abt others. Don’t think badly about others. Its unhealthy. This is called being judgmental. Don’t say this abt others esp when u have not met them. Stop saying bad things abt people u dun like.

let me ask u this. if a person who is, by self declaration a staunch buddhist. tell me off abt my 口业 and all that. but if that person always think badly of people, or talk badly of people. how to cultivate. Then that person's cultivation is not blocked off by any others but by him/herself.

That person's stillness in the heart is not by calmness of a higher understanding. It is by a inadequate lack of understanding. of himself. of matters, of others.

I am not very staunch on religion. I dun need to learn from anyone or a set of teachings, do be a good person or have a good heart. I am not perfect, and i err at times but i know, 我对人对事。Is genuine, and i only wish everyone well and be happy and help everyone around me with all that i can. I dun need to go and gain merits for the sake of gaining them. I am just happy to help everyone within my capabilities. This is my code and what i live for.

For a person, u can actually be quite childish. U just want things yr way. Towards me, U just wanted me to bend to yr will. U just want to be difficult and unreasonable. U just wanted to be "right", and me "wrong". Towards the end, I really just cannot already. The point is, u were really not pleasant to be with. And it hurts me so much that, I am still in love with you. 

Again, its how we react to the situations that are upon us, that tells people who we are.

People tell me I will get over it soon. The reality is that, for me, its not abt how long we been together. Its how much heart I put into this. And I hate it that, despite all these irrationality, I have always fought, to come back to u. But as wif everything, there is a limit. You will be happy to know, that I have reached mine. I have kept extending my 底线 again and again. i cant anymore. coz it broke. 

U can go all on all u want abt how I am accumulating bad karma by “attacking” you. But this verse really demonstrates yr inability to listen, to understand, to see things. All I am saying is in the hope that you can understand what you been doing to me. And how I hope you can be better. But maybe those are your values and that is how you want to live by. That’s perfectly fine.

I love, or loved you, wif all my heart and soul. I genuinely wanted to be with you forever, and I have tried so hard, to bring value and love to your life. i badly wanted to be there, to hold yr hand, to take care of you always. And i can say without guilt, i have done so. Everything i could have done, i did.

every step of the way u made it so diffcult to love u. search yr heart. but no, u already forgotten.

well what i couldn't. i couldn't. i need time.  

And u have spared no expense to desecrate it. Its not my fault this went south; u single handedly ruined it. U nvr listened. maybe its me that u nvr listen to. But yes, with this, as much as i love u, I have totally given up hope. I will leave you alone. And as much as i hate you for moving on so quickly, as much as how much i detest u for all these emotional damage. as much as i hate you for what u put me through. U forgot abt me. U nvr treasured me. U nvr loved me.

And it genuinely is, alot. The tears. The loss of motivation to want to get out of bed. The only yearn, to want to crawl into the corner of my bed and curl up into a ball and close my eyes, hoping the sleep will bring me some peace. And that i will take a long time to get out of this. 

This, is absolutely the worst. 

but since u r gone. I sincerely wish u the best.

Now, as you call it, back to my own shithole of a life as u so amply put it.